I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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