hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
