i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
