I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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