____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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