I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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