i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
This toilet bowl is my home.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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