I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
