Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
