I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
