Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Sorry my hands just texted you
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
