i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
