You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
