it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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