We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
