I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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