i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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