just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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