This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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