Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
