Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
