it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
