Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
