His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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