i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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