I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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