My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
