I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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