Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
