Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
