so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
