Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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