Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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