someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
