You're my little dorito
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
