Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
