i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
