Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
