seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
