I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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