he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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