cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
