You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
