someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
