Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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