She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I want to fling myself into the sun
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
