i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
