the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
