2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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