I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
A+ Viking dick
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