she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
